Introduction

  • Psalms 119:105
  • James 3:2

Use a bunch of positive words.

  • Job 13:4-5; 19:1-3; 2:9 – Job’s friends and wife.
  • Proverbs 18:21 – Words can do a log of good or a lot of bad.
  • Proverbs 21:19 – “a nagging and hot-tempered wife”
  • Colossians 3:19 – a better and harsh husband
  • One the positive side, think about how husbands and wives fulfill the verses in Ephesians 5:28-29, 33 and I Peter 3:7.
  • Proverbs 12:25 – Say positive things to your spouse.
  • Use those little words that mean so much.
    • “I’m sorry” – Luke 15:21
    • “I forgive you” – Matthew 6:14-15
    • “Please” – Acts 26:3; Nehemiah 5:10-11
    • “Thank you” – Luke 17:16
    • “Good job” – Proverbs 31:28-29
    • “I love you” – Song of Solomon 1:7

Plan your words carefully and soften your start-up.

  • Proverbs 15:1-2
  • Ephesians 4:15, 29 – Speak in love, for edification.
  • Proverbs 12:18 – “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tonque of the wise brings healing.”

De-escalate (and respond when your spouse is trying to de-escalate).

  • James 1:19 – “quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger”
  • Ephesians 4:31-32; Colossians 3:8-9, 12-13 – As Christians, we can’t continue to communicate in the same old ugly ways as the past. We are new people, growing and maturing in our attitudes and words.
  • “Four horsemen of the apocalypse” – From The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
    • Horseman 1: Criticism
    • Horseman 2: Contempt
    • Horseman 3: Defensiveness
    • Horseman 4: Stonewalling
  • “Demon dialogues” – Dr. Sue Johnson, Created for Connection
    • Find the bad guy
    • Protest polka
    • Freeze and flee

Learn how to learn and compromise with perpetual differences

  • Acts 3:19 – If we’re guilty of any sin, that needs to change.
  • Ephesians 5; I Peter 3 – love, sacrifice, nourish, cherish, respect, honor, understanding
  • I Corinthians 13:4-7 – Love!

Speak with clarity

  • Genesis 11:1, 7-9
    • There are a lot of ways God could have stopped that project. But messing up their ability to communicate was the method He chose, and it put an immediate end to their work.
    • Imagine and husband and wife who aren’t able to communicate clearly. How will they share their lives together?
  • I Corinthians 14:8, 19 – If your communication is not clear, what’s the point?
  • Titus 2:4 – Who are they supposed to love? THEIR husbands.
  • Ephesians 5:28 – Love who? THEIR wives.