Introduction
I’m going to put a word up on the screen that is often considered a bad word by today’s society: Masculinity.
Masculinity is often talked about today as being “toxic” or dangerous to society in some way, especially to women. The feminist movement has been particularly aggressive in promoting this idea.
It has become clear that much of what is troubling our society is a lack of proper male leadership in the home. Men being derelict in their responsibilities causes all sorts of problems, from crime to even homosexuality based on some reports.
The question for us this morning is, what does the Bible say about masculinity? What does it mean to be masculine? How do men become godly men?
Jesus our example
When we think about the best example we have of how to properly be a man on earth, the best example we could possibly find is Jesus.
Ephesians 5:25–30 (NASB95)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are members of His body.
It may seem odd to think about Jesus in terms of masculinity, but there can be no doubt that He is the prime example for men.
We often don’t think of Jesus as being macho or manly, but perhaps that is because we have in incorrect idea of what it means to be masculine.
We also see in the Bible that the church is referred to as the “bride of Christ.”
Ephesians 5:23 (NASB95)
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
So, we see the analogy of Christ to the church as husband is to wife. Jesus even refers to Himself metaphorically as the bridegroom:
Mark 2:19–20 (NASB95)
19 And Jesus said to them, “While the bridegroom is with them, the attendants of the bridegroom cannot fast, can they? So long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast.
20 “But the days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast in that day.
So, how was it that Jesus was masculine? How did he exemplify the proper role for men?
Let’s look at what Jesus did for people while He was on earth.
Provided salvation
Spiritual safety – the most important kind. Jesus provided a way for us to be saved from our sins.
Acts 2:22–24 (NASB95)
22 “Men of Israel, listen to these words: Jesus the Nazarene, a man attested to you by God with miracles and wonders and signs which God performed through Him in your midst, just as you yourselves know—
23 this Man, delivered over by the predetermined plan and foreknowledge of God, you nailed to a cross by the hands of godless men and put Him to death.
24 “But God raised Him up again, putting an end to the agony of death, since it was impossible for Him to be held in its power.
Jesus suffered mightily for us, but He did this so that we could be saved from our sins.
He knew our struggles
Jesus suffered through all the same temptations we face every day. Then He went to heaven to act as our mediator before the Father.
Hebrews 4:14–16 (NASB95)
14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.
15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.
16 Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 7:23–27 (NASB95)
23 The former priests, on the one hand, existed in greater numbers because they were prevented by death from continuing,
24 but Jesus, on the other hand, because He continues forever, holds His priesthood permanently.
25 Therefore He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.
26 For it was fitting for us to have such a high priest, holy, innocent, undefiled, separated from sinners and exalted above the heavens;
27 who does not need daily, like those high priests, to offer up sacrifices, first for His own sins and then for the sins of the people, because this He did once for all when He offered up Himself.
Jesus humbled Himself to come to earth and suffer as a man. He lived life on earth, suffered temptations, and remained sinless.
He loves us
Jesus showed His great love for us by planning for our salvation from the beginning of the world.
Romans 5:8 (NASB95)
8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Jesus knew from the start that we would sin, and he would need to provide a way for us to be saved, yet He created us anyway and then suffered terribly to be our sacrifice.
What is the application?
So how does all of this connect to masculinity on earth? How should men behave, especially towards their wife and family?
The family is the foundational unit of society. If we get that right, the rest follows.
Through my own research (and ladies, you can correct me on this afterwards!), women primarily need three things to be happy and fulfilled in marriage: to be safe, to be known, and to be cherished.
We see this in the example of Jesus:
- He provided for our spiritual safety by providing a path to salvation for us.
- He suffered through a life on earth and physical temptation, so He knows what life on earth is like. He works as a mediator before the Father so that we can pray and share our difficulties with God. He listens to our prayers! This provides a way for us to be known.
- He showed His great love for us, not only in providing for our salvation, but also in all the teaching, healing, and miracles He did while He was on earth. He was generous with His time and abilities in fulfilling the Father’s will. Jesus even wept over the dead, even when He was about to bring them right back to life (John 11:35)! Jesus showed repeatedly just how much He loved His creation.
Applications for men
Certainly, mortal men cannot do all the things that Jesus did. We cannot provide spiritual salvation for our wives or act as mediators before God for them. Those roles belong to Jesus alone. But we can learn much from Jesus’ example!
(For the ladies, consider how you can support your husband or future husband in these things! You are his right hand and his closest friend on earth, so use that esteemed position for good! If you are an unmarried lady and would like to be married one day, seek out a man who does these things!)
Provide safety
Part of a man’s role in the household is to provide safety. Safety here may take many forms:
- Physical safety
- Protecting wife and family from outside threats of man, beast, or weather.
- Financial safety
- Providing for your family.
- This doesn’t mean you have to make billions of dollars, but it is your responsibility to keep food on the table.
- Saving and investing to prepare for the future.
- Note that you can’t just make a paycheck and consider your obligations complete!
- Emotional and psychological safety
- Don’t provoke your wife or children to anger. (Ephesians 6:4)
- Protect your wife from those who may treat her unfairly or abusively. This includes the children! Stand up for your wife.
- Make the home a place everyone wants to come home to. If the father is constantly angry or withdrawn completely, how easy is it for the wife to carry out her role of being in subjection? What example does this set for the children?
- Leadership
- It is the husband’s job to set the tone for the home and provide direction.
- This provides safety for the wife and children because they have clear boundaries and know what to expect. When things are clear and consistent, everyone can relax.
- Spiritual leadership is a large part of this. The man sets the spiritual direction of the house. Men, take leadership and make opportunities to pray and discuss Bible topics!
- Leadership can be everything from deciding what time to leave for church to how much to be involved in school sports. This might sometimes mean saying no to obligations on the family’s behalf that would over-extend the family, or especially the wife.
- Know your convictions and stand by them. Even if your wife or children disagree with your decision, if it was based on sound principles and you stand firm, they will come to respect you for it.
- This does not mean being a tyrant! Look to Jesus as the example in leadership. Although He was sometimes forceful in correcting error, He also showed compassion and lead by example.
- Men, be careful you don’t abdicate this function. It MUST be done, so if you don’t do it, your wife will be forced to. Although she may excel at it, it is not her God-given role and she would still much prefer you take the leadership position.
Know your wife
- Listen to your wife.
- Don’t try to fix everything she wants to talk to you about.
- (Except for the flat tire – you do need to go fix that right now.)
- Just let her talk and really listen hard at what she’s saying.
- Ask good questions.
- Remember things that are important to her. Ask her for updates about them later.
- Compare this to how we want God to listen to our prayers.
- We want Him to really listen to us.
- Put down the phone, turn off the TV, look her in the eyes and give your full attention.
- Often, talking through the problem is the solution to the problem.
- Think about how it works when you pray.
- When you bring troubles before God, do you not feel better afterward even though God may not have immediately done anything to address the issue?
- Consider it a blessing when your wife confides in you, not a burden.
- Just as God wants us to confide in Him in prayer, we should want our wives to confide in us.
Cherish your wife
- Show her love and affection.
- Provide romance.
- Go on dates.
- Tell her you love her!
- Praise her for her beauty.
- Show gratitude.
- Tell her how blessed you are to have her.
- Thank her for a great meal.
- Thank her for keeping the house tidy.
- Bring her the occasional gift for no particular reason (especially if it’s something she talked to you about before!).
- If you were not married to her now, what would you do to woo her?
- Ladies, show gratitude for men trying in this regard, feeble and awkward though their attempts may be!
- Men can feel vulnerable showing love or giving gifts. Show them grace and gratitude to help their confidence.
- Once the confidence issue is sorted out, gently and respectfully provide guidance if necessary.
Attitudes
Men, I have some bad news. If you do all these things, you are not a hero. You are simply fulfilling your God-given role.
Luke 17:9–10 (NASB95)
9 “He does not thank the slave because he did the things which were commanded, does he?
10 “So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.’ ”
Whether your wife shows you gratitude or not is on her side of the equation and should have no bearing on how you perform your duties. Let’s look back at Ephesians 5:
Ephesians 5:25–30 (NASB95)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are members of His body.
We can only do our part, but we must do it to the best of our abilities regardless of the circumstances. Nothing in that passage is conditional on the wife’s behavior!
Conclusion
Men, let us all do our best to be godly men and fulfill the roles God has set for us.
This is not easy, but it is a worthwhile endeavor!
Let us demonstrate what godly masculinity looks like to our wives and to the world.
