Godly Families, Part 16

Posted by mark under Classes

By David Watson

Benchley, December 4, 2016

  • Train children to pursue Biblical goals (continued):
    • Don’t commit “The Eli Mistake”
    • The more consistent we are, the better
      • Numbers 23:19 – God is perfectly consistent, but that doesn’t mean He never changed His plans.
      • Galatians 1:6-9
    • Clear, specific instructions are helpful.
      • Proverbs 7:1, 6-10, 17-27
    • Discipline should be appropriate, but severe enough to make a difference.
      • Remember the final goal of discipline. Hebrews 12:11
    • Look for opportunities to develop character starting at birth, and enrich these over time.
      • Ecclesiastes 12:1
      • II Timothy 3:15
      • I Samuel 17:42-45
      • II Chronicles 34:3
    • Teaching: God is powerful
      • Hebrews 1:3; Colossians 1:17
  • Train children to love God
    • Examples of faith
      • Noah – Genesis 6:9
      • Job – Job 2:3
      • David – Acts 13:22; Psalms 18:1
      • Abraham – James 2:23
      • These me all believed God was with them all the time, loved Him, and wanted to serve Him.
    • We must instill the proper motivation.
      • What’s wrong with just raising our kids to know that if they misbehave, they will be punished?

 

Godly Families, Part 15

Posted by mark under Classes

By David Watson

Benchley, November 27, 2016

  • Parents: radically commit to tender love and tough love (continued):
    • Employ a radical amount of tough love (continued):
      • Say whatever it takes (continued):
        • Are there some pitfalls parents should avoid? (continued)
          • Being hypocritical. Romans 2:1
        • Psalm 119:11 – We should use the Bible when we talk with our kids.
        • II Timothy 3:16 – Parents should use the Bible when talking with their kids both in good times and bad. Children should not lean to dread times when the Bible comes out.
      • Diana Baumrind’s research
          • Baumrind is a psychologist who began studying parenting styles back in the 1960s.
          • She emphasized two measures of parenting:
            • Responsiveness – how responsive parents are to children’s needs
            • Demandingness – how much parents expect children to mature, learn responsibility, and follow rules
            • These correspond to our study of Biblical parenting: tender love and tough love.
          • Baumrind’s Parenting Styles
        Responsiveness (tough love) High Permissive parents Authoritative parents

        (These parents tend to turn out great kids!)

        Low Neglectful parents Authoritarian parents
        Low High
        Demandingness (tough love)
          • God’s Parenting Styles
        Responsiveness (tough love) High “a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother” Proverbs 29:15 “love their children” Titus 2:4; “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4
        Low “he who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently” Proverbs 13:24 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart” Colossians 3:21
        Low High
        Demandingness (tough love)
      • Proverbs 1:8-9; 6:20-21 – Father and mother should be a balanced parenting team.
  • Train children to pursue Biblical goals
    • Envision long-term goals and work toward them.
      • Proverbs 22:6 reminds parents to look forward to when the child is old.
      • Hebrews 12:11 – notice the difference between discipline in the moment and afterward.
    • Five things we want of our children
      • To love God
      • To love others
      • To know God’s word
      • To respect and obey authority
      • To develop moral excellence
    • Don’t commit “The Eli Mistake”
      • Eli was basically a good, religious man.
        • He served as Israel’s High Priest and judge. I Samuel 1:9; 4:18
        • He respected God’s word. I Samuel 3:18
        • He was bold. I Samuel 1:12-14
        • His kids were involved in religious activities. I Samuel 1:3; 4:4
        • He was compassionate. I Samuel 2:11, 20
      • But now, let’s notice the bad news about Eli and his sons.
        • Hophni and Phineas were sinners! I Samuel 2:12-17
        • Eli certainly didn’t approve of their behavior, and scolded them. I Samuel 2:22-25
        • Still, God said Eli honored his sons above God. I Samuel 2:29
        • God pronounced judgment on Eli’s house because, as a father, he knew his sons were doing wrong but “he did not rebuke them.” I Samuel 3:13
      • Parenting should focus on the end result.
        • Eli was a good man in several ways. He was upset with his sons’ behavior and scolded them.  None of that changed the fact that he just didn’t go far enough as a father!
        • We must do more than worry, wring our hands, be upset, or scold our kids. We must bring every ounce of tender love and tough love to bear until we bring about positive change.

Godly Families, Part 14

Posted by mark under Classes

By David Watson

Benchley, November 20, 2016

  • Parents: radically commit to tender love and tough love (continued):
    • Employ a radical amount of tough love (continued):
      • Do whatever it takes (continued):
        • What principles should we learn from these passages? (continued)
          • Ecclesiastes 8:11
          • Hebrews 12:4-11
        • Further points about discipline
          • Be different from popular culture. Romans 12:2
          • Enforce the word “no.” Ephesians 6:1-2
          • Don’t be afraid to cross your child. II Samuel 18:5, 33-19:7; I Kings 1:5-6
        • Say whatever it takes.
          • God’s ways of communicating with people.
            • God informed people of his rules and expectations. Genesis 3:3; Deuteronomy 30:15-20
            • He encouraged them to avoid trouble. Genesis 4:6-7
            • He warned them of punishment if they didn’t change. Jonah 3:1-4
            • He nurtured and loved them. Hosea 11:1-4
            • He reminded them to learn from mistakes of others. Zechariah 1:1-6
            • He rebuked. II Samuel 2:7
          • Are there some pitfalls parents should avoid?
            • Assuming kids know better. Deuteronomy 6:6-9
            • Detaching the Bible from real life. James 1:22

Godly Families, Part 13

Posted by mark under Classes

By David Watson

Benchley, November 6, 2016

  • Parents: radically commit to tender love and tough love (continued)
    • Employ a radical amount of tender love (continued)
      • What was the greatest way God showed His love for us?
        • I John 4:9-10; Titus 3:4-5; Romans 5:8
      • Employ a radical amount of tough love
        • Ephesians 6:4
          • “bring”: same word used in Ephesians 5:29
          • “discipline”: includes punishment that is likely to bring temporary sorrow (Hebrews 12:11)
          • “instruction”: rebuking; warning (see I Corinthians 10:11; Titus 3:10)
        • Do whatever it takes
          • Tough love involves appropriate punishment and consequences in harmony with God’s will.
          • The Bible does not endorse child abuse! Such abuse is sin!  Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21; Hebrews 12:11
          • What principles should we learn from these passages?
            • Proverbs 13:24
            • Proverbs 19:18
            • Proverbs 22:15
            • Proverbs 23:13-14
            • Proverbs 24:15-17

Godly Families, Part 12

Posted by mark under Classes

By David Watson

Benchley, October 23, 2016

  • Improve your communication, continued:
    • Be kind and courteous, continued:
      • God commands us to be king (Galatians 5:22; Ephesians 4:32). Shouldn’t we exercise this within our marriage?
      • Dr. John Gottman is able to predict the likelihood of divorce in a marriage based on a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.
      • “I’m sorry” – Luke 15:21
      • “I forgive you” – Matthew 6:14-15
      • “Please” – Acts 26:3; Nehemiah 5:10-11
      • “Thank you” – Luke 17:16
      • “Good job” – Proverbs 31:28-29
      • “I love you” – Song of Solomon 1:7
    • Communication techniques
      • Write it out
      • Allow time for a break
      • Use the “speaker/listener” technique
    • Are there any words or methods that are absolutely off-limits?
      • “I told you so.”
      • Cuss words – Ephesians 4:29
      • Threats of divorce
      • One-upping
      • Name-calling
      • Stonewalling / silent treatment
  • Parents: radically commit to tender love and tough love
    • God is the perfect example of tender love and tough love. We ought to try to imitate him.
    • Employ a radical amount of tender love
      • God expresses His love through action – John 3:16
      • We should also express love through action – I John 3:16-18
      • We need to recognize that it’s one thing to say we love our children, it’s another thing to show
      • Parents ought to provide the basic necessities of life.
        • II Corinthians 12:14
        • Proverbs 31:15, 21, 23
        • Titus 2:4-5; I Timothy 5:14

Godly Families, Part 11

Posted by mark under Classes

By David Watson

Benchley, October 9, 2016

  • Improve your communication, continued:
    • Don’t turn around and blab (use discretion).
      • Proverbs 11:13; 25:9-10; I Timothy 5:13
      • Matthew 18:15-17; I Corinthians 1:11 – Is there ever a time when it would be appropriate for a spouse to seek advice or share private information?
    • We must learn how to speak!
      • Proverbs 21:23; 25:11; John 7:45-46
      • Our speech can make a big impression on people!
    • Speak with sincere love.
      • Proverbs 28:12
      • Proverbs 15:1-2
      • Matthew 7:1-5
      • Ephesians 4:15
      • Ephesians 4:19
      • Philippians 2:3-5 – Try to succeed and bring everyone else with you!
    • Speak with clarity.
      • I Corinthians 9:20-22; 14:19
    • Slow down.
      • The apostle Peter serves as an example for the need to slow down, listen, and think. John 13:8-10
      • Proverbs 15:28
      • Proverbs 17:27 – Sometimes you just need to be a good listener before trying to talk.
      • James 1:19
    • Be kind and courteous.
      • God commands us to be kind (Galatians 5:22; Ephesians 4:32). Shouldn’t we exercise this within our marriage?

Godly Families, Part 10

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Godly Families, Part 9

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Godly Families, Part 8

Posted by mark under Classes

By David Watson

Benchley, September 11, 2016

  • Women: love your husbands, love your children (continued)
    • Discontentment with God’s arrangements is an affront to God Himself.
      • The rebellion of Korah – Numbers 16:3; Exodus 4:14-16; Numbers 16:28
      • The rebellion of Miriam and Aaron – Numbers 12
      • I Samuel 8:7
      • Romans 13:2
    • How should a wife submit?
      • In all things that harmonize with God’s Word
        • Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18; Ephesians 6:1
        • I Peter 3:1-2 – Wives are obligated to submit even if their husband is not a Christian.
      • With sincere respect as a service to the Lord
        • Ephesians 5:22 – See Ephesians 6:5-8. Sincerity is key!
        • Colossians 3:22-24
        • I Peter 3:3-4 – Be more concerned about how your soul looks to God than about how your body looks to man. II Corinthians 4:16

Godly Families, Part 7

Posted by mark under Classes

By David Watson

Benchley, September 4, 2016

  • Men: lead and sacrifice with love (continued)
    • A father must lead his children (continued)
      • Fathers are specifically warned about exasperating their children. Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 4:26; James 3:9
      • Beware of hypocrisy. Matthew 23:3
        • If you don’t want your child to do something, don’t do it yourself.
        • Lead by example. The best way to raise children who are atheists and agnostics is to be a hypocrite.
      • Don’t be preoccupied with money or a career. Luke 12:15-23; 16:13; I Timothy 6:10-11
      • Don’t expect surrogates to fulfill your responsibilities.
        • Fathers must do more than just earn a paycheck. I Timothy 3:4-5
          • Consider the work an elder would be doing. Titus 1:9; Hebrews 13:17; I Peter 5:2-3
        • Women: love your husbands, love your children
          • A wife is responsible for subjecting herself to her husband.
            • Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:22-33; Titus 2:4-5
          • Submitting to a leader does not mean one is inferior in value.
            • Woman was created to be man’s “helper.” Genesis 2:18-20
              • Who is called a helper in Psalms 115:9-11 and John 14:26?
            • Likewise, man being called her “head” does not mean she is less valuable, either.
              • I Corinthians 11:3; Philippians 2:5-8
            • A wife is of equal value but must fill her role as a helper, letting her husband fill his role as the head.