By David Watson

Benchley, November 27, 2016

  • Parents: radically commit to tender love and tough love (continued):
    • Employ a radical amount of tough love (continued):
      • Say whatever it takes (continued):
        • Are there some pitfalls parents should avoid? (continued)
          • Being hypocritical. Romans 2:1
        • Psalm 119:11 – We should use the Bible when we talk with our kids.
        • II Timothy 3:16 – Parents should use the Bible when talking with their kids both in good times and bad. Children should not lean to dread times when the Bible comes out.
      • Diana Baumrind’s research
          • Baumrind is a psychologist who began studying parenting styles back in the 1960s.
          • She emphasized two measures of parenting:
            • Responsiveness – how responsive parents are to children’s needs
            • Demandingness – how much parents expect children to mature, learn responsibility, and follow rules
            • These correspond to our study of Biblical parenting: tender love and tough love.
          • Baumrind’s Parenting Styles
        Responsiveness (tough love) High Permissive parents Authoritative parents

        (These parents tend to turn out great kids!)

        Low Neglectful parents Authoritarian parents
        Low High
        Demandingness (tough love)
          • God’s Parenting Styles
        Responsiveness (tough love) High “a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother” Proverbs 29:15 “love their children” Titus 2:4; “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4
        Low “he who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently” Proverbs 13:24 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart” Colossians 3:21
        Low High
        Demandingness (tough love)
      • Proverbs 1:8-9; 6:20-21 – Father and mother should be a balanced parenting team.
  • Train children to pursue Biblical goals
    • Envision long-term goals and work toward them.
      • Proverbs 22:6 reminds parents to look forward to when the child is old.
      • Hebrews 12:11 – notice the difference between discipline in the moment and afterward.
    • Five things we want of our children
      • To love God
      • To love others
      • To know God’s word
      • To respect and obey authority
      • To develop moral excellence
    • Don’t commit “The Eli Mistake”
      • Eli was basically a good, religious man.
        • He served as Israel’s High Priest and judge. I Samuel 1:9; 4:18
        • He respected God’s word. I Samuel 3:18
        • He was bold. I Samuel 1:12-14
        • His kids were involved in religious activities. I Samuel 1:3; 4:4
        • He was compassionate. I Samuel 2:11, 20
      • But now, let’s notice the bad news about Eli and his sons.
        • Hophni and Phineas were sinners! I Samuel 2:12-17
        • Eli certainly didn’t approve of their behavior, and scolded them. I Samuel 2:22-25
        • Still, God said Eli honored his sons above God. I Samuel 2:29
        • God pronounced judgment on Eli’s house because, as a father, he knew his sons were doing wrong but “he did not rebuke them.” I Samuel 3:13
      • Parenting should focus on the end result.
        • Eli was a good man in several ways. He was upset with his sons’ behavior and scolded them.  None of that changed the fact that he just didn’t go far enough as a father!
        • We must do more than worry, wring our hands, be upset, or scold our kids. We must bring every ounce of tender love and tough love to bear until we bring about positive change.

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